and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
