So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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