Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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