Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
