There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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