dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
