She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
