what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
