so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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