do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
