ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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