I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
