Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
