we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
