OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
