well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
