I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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