I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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