i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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