you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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