Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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