Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
