do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
