I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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