Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
