Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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