I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The air was thick with penises
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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