She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
