Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
