it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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