I cannot find my penis.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
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