My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
