Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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