We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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