seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize