What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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