i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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