so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
