I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
