Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
