If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A bitchslap is in order.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
