He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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