I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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