I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
