found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
