I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
