hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
