Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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