I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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