I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
