There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
