Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
