the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
