Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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