It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
