First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
