Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
its not stalking. its research.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This baby is an asshole
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
