Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
