So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
