My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
