i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
