Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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