its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
