First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
