Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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