alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
