I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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