I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
